My FB comment on a thread started by a friend who queries how to respond to the question “What do you do?” at a networking event. After – as she put it – ‘A year of no work’:
“A year of no work.” I doubt that. A year of no title, perhaps, no paid work perhaps, but I know you are always working.
A simple first response the people I work with have found helpful is: I’m in transition. Given the increased profile for people making a gender transition, this could be an even more intriguing statement than a replacement for ‘unemployed’.
I think the awkwardness we feel when we are without a job title is about being vulnerable to judgement. In that first moment, there is a power imbalance – the other can dismiss us, scorn us, be disinterested, etc. – if we are vulnerable to that, it explains a lot.
But the positive side to being without a job title: we are actually free to engage with new people to find where we connect with each other’s interests.
Take stock of how you feel going in to these things, examine what assumptions and expectations you have, and you may be able to shift these into a more useful place. Instead of ‘selling’ ourselves, we are creating an opening to learn more about common ground we share, or don’t, with new folks.
It helps me to think of myself as the ‘host’ of the conversation, which really shifts things. My task is to make the other person comfortable, even if my semi-introvert self quakes at the thought. After all, that ‘what do you do?’ question is pretty much by rote, too. Why isn’t anyone giving people an alternative to THAT?
I tell people “I work with artists” and so the conversation starts. They most often find this intriguing rather than evasive, and usually want to know more. And that gets us into a more interesting exchange.
People are looking for an entry point into knowing you, for the most part, not trying to reduce you to a label. I’m glad you asked for this input because it is a common situation for people these days.
It has been possible to be lazy about this when we have a title, and then perhaps be offended when people don’t see beyond that. Nowadays, we have to work a little harder and be a little more vulnerable when meeting people in such sessions. But even introverts can find a way to manage the situation to our own benefit.
When I meet you at a networking event, I don’t want paragraph of description pitched at me, right off the bat. I just want a short comment that gives me a clue to what question I might ask to learn more. It’s not a sales pitch, it’s an invitation.
I’ve been using ‘Catalytic Interloper’ (as a title that can be printed on a business card) recently, and I think that fits for you, too, Nicole Chaland. People laugh and want to know more but usually they ‘get’ what that means right away.
Thanks for bringing this up. Great thread!
